What do you do when you find out you have cancer?
This was the big morbid question I had in mind while putting my 1 1/2 month old kid one quiet night.
See, for three weeks before that, I’ve been dealing with a worrisome lump in my breast. It started out as a painless, immovable mass the size of the grape, which grew almost triple its original size after two weeks.It also started to itch, redden and grow painful.
Before I knew it, I was bawling mad.
If I was still single and without child, I would’ve perhaps, travel the country on impulse, live in a seafront hut, watch sunsets collapse into the night while swigging a bottle of beer. But when you’re with family, things change. HUGE. Whims of the self become tertiary, next to the whims of your husband and your children. You learn to value bonds and ties better.
My biggest fear is that if I die young, my daughter will not remember how much and how deeply I loved her; that everyday I look at her, say I love you and pray that she always wakes up well so she can catch her dreams when she grows up. That even if her ceaseless whining and constant demand to be carried around drive me nuts, her smile is enough to make my day. All she will remember is that I wasn’t there when she needs me, and that unlike kids her age, she doesn’t have a mom during her birthdays and graduations.
Which is why I thought, why do people need something as bad as cancer to happen in their lives before they figure out the essence of relationships and that the only antidote to regret in the deathbed is to make every single day count with people that matter?
And so, since that night, my resolution was to find something special in each day, despite arguments and bad hair days. To be more aware and open. Freeze memories in time; take tons of photos and videos of my daughter. Write more. Experience, rediscover and unravel. Make time for gatherings with mom and the family. And, this has got to be the hardest: have more patience for the husband’s annoyingness (Yes, he can be incredibly annoying sometimes!Haha.) This became a lot easier when I also started making a good deeds list of his nice deeds everyday – a separate and ongoing resolution I made since that night.
If the world’s gotta change, it has got to start with the self, with a commitment to move and love. More appreciation, less nitpicking, lesser worries. Wouldn’t it be nicer to look back on life like that?
BTW, the lump’s gone now. Turns out to be just blocked milk ducts 🙂
How about you? What move or act of love have you committed to do today? Share it with the world with Benetton’s Let’s Move & Let’s Love Blog Contest!