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Our World in Words

Our World in Words

Letter #9: On a Van to Ilocos Sur

Hello, Lia.

Three weeks ago, I left for an assignment in Cagayan. When I returned home, I was surprised about how needy and clingy you seem to have turned out. This four-year old girl who used to be perfectly alright – and happy – with me away on a one-week trip, suddenly can’t even take it when I go to the bathroom without her. I began to suspect. Were you using your tears to get what you want?
But here, on this speeding van to Ilocos, I think I know why.
In my sleep, I dreamed of how we parted last night. You sobbing, from the bus home till your lolo and lola’s house. You asking for one last hug for an hour. You saying, “I don’t want you to go. Take me with you, Mama.”
I woke up with tears – stuffed at the back with bags and the collective snoring of asleep travelers. Because love needs no reason. Because it grows and needs deeper every day. Because it is human to miss, and cry when it hurts too much to love.
I am sorry I questioned your pain. It takes a kid to make a calloused adult realize we sometimes make unfair assumptions of people who love and their motives.
I cry because right now, I sorely miss you. But more than that, I cry because I am grateful for you. To be saved every day from the mess I once was because you’re here. To be needed as a mother. To be loved this much.
Thank you for loving me, my dearest Lia. There is no greater joy in the world than knowing that.

Much love and strength wherever I am,
Mama

in Letters to Lia # Letters to Lia

About the Author

Gretchen Filart

Gretchen Filart is a writer from the Philippines, where she weaves poems and creative nonfiction about motherhood, love, healing, nature, and intersectionalities. Her works have been nominated for the Pushcart Prize and Best of the Net, received distinction from phoebe’s Spring Poetry Contest and Navigator’s Travel Writing Competition, and share space in local and foreign publications. Connect with her on Twitter, Instagram, and Bluesky @gretchenfilart. She’s usually friendly.

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