Transpiring in my life now are tectonic shifts – some propelled by hands other than mine, some in response to those hands. It feels odd to be in this spot again after nearly a decade, sending applications in bulk. To say “I am XYZ and so much more. Hire me. I’ll astound you.”
They say, “So much easier if you had just kept practicing nursing”. But no. I closed that chapter happily. I am not going back to it despite renumeration being lower working with words. Words fulfill and succor in a way that even words cannot define.
Then, there are inner ones – honing what needs attention inside-out, putting away discards, acceptance of things both lovable and not. I am on a self-imposed break. Cut off comms, reduce the noise, witness and listen to the bare minimum. All I have left is Insta, Messenger, and my email. Already my veins are seeking intangible arms cupping my daily existence. The good mornings. The soul-affirming banter. The poems and songs we drink. But sometimes some detachment and temperance are required to find clarity again, aren’t they? To remind us that we too deserve to give ourselves what we give to those around us. That perhaps not everything that inspires happiness is worth indulging in. Self-care is sometimes going through rather than out.
I’m not a masochist. But I also know happiness is hard-won. Much as I live for carefree Boho days and hate long-term planning, I also don’t strive for short-lived highs. Give me the long, thorny roads and inconvenient nights. The struggle that comes with doing what feels right. One’s sacred values are an essential arsenal. I fight for them to the death. Always. It makes certain that my life is without regrets and it’ll be okay if a comet crashes into my roof any moment.
So I take those values as I tread these shifts, uncertain what the future holds: the new opportunities that lay ahead, a new being, a new way of according myself what is rightfully deserved. New is scary. But once the shifts have settled, the plates will rise again. Everything will smoothen. Life, for a while, will be an eternal summer once more.